Pick-up lines and wines.

Etiquette, like logic, is a very individual thing. Regrettably my dog agrees.

Grunt quickly cottoned on to me picking up after him, and that if he only dropped his bundle once, I would only pick up once. Where is the fun in that?

Now he drops as many little bundles along our ëruní as he possibly can. (Surely there should be a bag limit?)

But wait, there is more. Another aspect of Gruntís toilet etiquette is his propensity to do his business is directly proportional to the number of people watching.

Greater weight is given by Grunt too if he senses the people watching are the type that I might want to impress, eg: groups of attractive women, wine PR types etc.

There is further etiquette in the placement of his deposits. Flowers are very attractive and again there is a strong correlation between propensity to deliver and his perceived worth of the plant to the owner and whether or not said owner is watching. He is remarkably good at it.

No! Please Grunt, not on the orchid which flowers only once every 30 years.

The double delight rose, however, avenged and delighted me doubly.

But at what point is it okay not to pick up after he has made a drop off?

If it is in really long grass or in a place that clearly no one ever goes, is that okay? What about the cactus that puts holes in the bag as well as your fingers? Or on top of another dog is doings. Are you responsible for both? How do you separate them?

What if you run out of bags? Is there room for clemency? 

Not in Grunt's bags.

It makes wine etiquette rather a walk in the park so to speak.

Don’t sniff the cork. Don’t drink from the bottle. Red wine with red or white meat, white wine with white or red meat, rose with...well...rose meat, bubbly with everything. Don’t overfill the glass, don’t overdo it.

Simple.

Oh, and pick up after yourself.

Red Knot 2004 ëCadenziaí Grenache Shiraz, $14. Are you apiece of string?î ìíFraid knotî. Nifty red ëzorkí style capsule really sets off a nice package and you get to keep the ëzorkí. 8/10.

Lalla Gully 2004 Riesling Tasmania, $22. That’s asking for trouble, giving people the opportunity to link Lalla-land with Tasmania. But if you drank enough, which one could easily be tempted to do? 8.6/10.

Four Emus 2005 Chardonnay, $10. This is pretty sweet but it ís not a bad drop and for $10 what more would you expect? 7/10.

Richard Hamilton McLaren Vale Gumprsí Shiraz 2003, $25? One of those annoying wines that are at their best just as the last glass is downed. Open and leave for a few days and thou shall be rewarded. 8.2/10.

Brown Brothers Cellar Door Release Arneis, 2005, $16. Is this the new pinot gris? Somewhere between that and viognier in the dictionary, if you go backwards. 7.7/10.

Rochford Latitude Victoria Pinot Noir, 2003, $18. One of the best value pinots doing the rounds and a suitable solution to what to drink with smoked salmon and sun dried tomato pasta. 8/10.

Rochford Latitude Victoria Pinot Noir, 2003 

Brown Brothers Cellar Door Release Arneis, 2005

Richard Hamilton McLaren Vale Gumprsí Shiraz 2003

Four Emus 2005 Chardonnay

Red Knot 2004 ëCadenziaí Grenache Shiraz

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Grape Expectations by Max Crus (Column No.551)